Morning Bluetime Walk

I tumbled out of sleep a quarter after four in the morning due to stress.  It was the usual things you would expect for an unemployed father; finances, self-worth, simple and typical night time gremlins.  No matter how simple those imps they always work their skill at stealing sleep.

To add to the anxiety, we’ve been ramping up for a full move to another apartment in the same neighborhood by the end of the month.  It is a good move as we’re moving closer to the nearby woods and away from the constant sound of traffic from the all-to-near city street turned into major thoroughfare.  Even though a good move, it still brings it’s share of chaotic influence.  All food for the early morning gremlins.

When I wake like this I often turn to the internet or a computer game to calm me along with a glass of milk.  It’s a tried and true fix.  It’s usually a nice distraction, a silent hour staring at the screen, trying to shovel the dirt of the conscious over my subconscious dragons.  It’s a fine remedy most times.  However, this time, there was a restlessness hovering on me.  Even after finishing a modest snack of a breakfast, it persisted and coaxed me with a need to have fresh air and to be outside.  Barefoot,  I walked out my front door and into the early morning night.

The blast furnace heat from the previous day had subsided and it was pleasant outside.  The light of a waning half moon shone in the southern sky and a temperate evening breeze tussled the branches of the trees.  It was more than pleasant.  It was fantastic.  Not content to stay near the house, I took a longer walk around our neighborhood and the pond at it’s center, enjoying the feel of my bare feet on concrete, grass, dirt and pathway mulch.  Out here, in the air, under starlight, there was a connection in those quiet, dark hours and I floated with it.

There is a wondrous purity in these hours no matter the season or phase of the moon.  It’s one of my favorite times of the day and I wondered to myself as I stood in the middle of our parking lot gazing upwards at the stars, why don’t I do this more often?  Why do I opt instead to stare at a screen?  Because that’s the easy way out of it?  How little effort was involved in just stepping out my door!  I know it to be the better answer but somehow always do an excellent job of forgetting it.

Cold rice before dawn.
The summer bluetime stillness.
Half moon crowns a pine.

Dawn eased forward and birds began to call to one another.  I believe it was a cardinal that started things off.  People began to stir around me.  I sat on the steps outside our apartment and continued to enjoy the last remaining minutes before the day, and the heat, began.  I had passed through something,  a quietly hanging gossamer curtain, and once on the other side, life was calm, centered.  As I was about to move and stand to go inside, Universe offered me one final gift before I moved on with my day.

Warm summer morning.
From the tall pond weeds, a doe
and her two children.

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Posted on July 20, 2011, in Happiness, Learning, Nature, Perspective, Unemployed, Weather. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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